It's not about you...
The idea has permeated my brain since I first heard it last Fall...whispered to only me...
Then, it came up again today, when Jack asked me, "Can God make Iron Man real, Momma?"
I replied, "well, yes, of course He could."
But, ultimately I knew that wasn't a good enough answer. Then this thought hit me again.
It's not about you.
Right, try telling THAT to a 6-yr-old who LOVES Iron Man! But, I did... with the Holy Spirit's help, I think I did a pretty good job. I told Jack that while God certainly could make Iron Man for him, knowing that would offer great joy, He wouldn't, because that wouldn't help bring anyone to Jesus, would it?
And then, I went on (as I usually do) to explain that the purpose for this life, the only reason we are here now, is to know and love Jesus, and to help others find Him, so we can ALL live eternally with God. I told Jack, it's not really even about being happy. While God delights with us, and certainly is the author of all the good in our lives, that's not the priority. For Him, nor should it be for us. We are to "consider others better than ourselves" - Phillipians 2:3
In a society that values individual rights and feelings above anything else - how in the world can I teach selflessness to my 6-yr-old?
What does that really look like?
Well, that perspective certainly changes how I view my struggles and my pain. As well as my many blessings - not certainties I have the right to - but BLESSINGS from God.
Would God let me have cancer - go through the pain and suffering of treatment, and the aftermath I'm still overcoming - if it would help bring even one person to Christ? To eternal salvation?
Would I want Him to?
My answer is yes.
Sign. Me. Up.
He and I have had this conversation many times. I always come to the same reply...but then, when I'm hurting, when I'm so tired of the pain, and the anxiety, and the worry, I beg for relief again.
It was last year, when I was so excited to throw myself a 1-year remission anniversary party. I adore parties with all the people I love. I desperately needed a reason to celebrate. I needed to remember my cancer was GONE. I was looking forward to it like nothing else.
And then - it rained.
My outdoor party at the park, was cancelled. And I was truly devastated. When I started talking to God about how I was going to get over the disappointment, this is what He said:
It's not about you.
Ah.... in that instance I remembered. And I cried. And then I began to look back - even looking at the previous paragraph, how many times did I write "I"? - The party WAS all about me. I understood then, that my journey with cancer is not about me. Living for others. That's what we are here for.
But, now, what does this look like in my daily life?
I told Jack, it's impossible not to think about the things you want. We all lean towards selfishness, it's in our nature. Our sinful, broken nature.
So, how do I truly LIVE for others?
I don't know.
Ha - betcha thought I'd have an answer, didn't ya?
Well, I don't. Not a good one. Being cognizant, and staying in God's word daily to remind me, are about as far as I've gotten. But, having a good answer for the profound question of, "Can God make Iron Man real, Momma?" felt like a step in the right direction.
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