I'm going to start off by giving a disclaimer, and saying it's not my intention to offend anyone with this post. But, you know what they say about good intentions...so really, I'm just saying this will probably offend some people, but I think it's important enough that I'm going to say it anyway.
I'm not being judgmental or condescending, my hope is simply to offer a different way of thinking, that may benefit everyone.
Life after cancer is hard. Let's be real. It sucks. I'm technically in "remission", which to the outside world means cured of all symptoms and untouched by cancer now... when in truth, it's the opposite. It's probably more difficult to cope now, after treatment, because I'm not distracted by the task at hand. And I have more physical manifestations of the treatment, than I did of the disease. But, I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm not the first, and certainly won't be the last, person to go through a traumatic illness with long-term repercussions. Which got me thinking...what I really want is for someone to notice. To feel like someone still cares. For someone to ask how I'm feeling....to ask if I need help carrying that big heavy bag, and my lawn chair, and my water bottle, and Jack's toys (I suffer from, sometimes severe, circulation issues as one side effect of chemo). But, when I admit that to myself, wow. I feel weak. And I would never want to impose on someone else's life just so I could feel better for a moment.... Wait. What? Hmmmmm......
What if....
Instead of adding more activities to our child's schedule, more shopping trips, more golf games, more TV time, more gardening or reading time (all fun, or relaxing things) - or even more work (something people often think is necessary) - we took a little bit of time out of our day to do something for someone else? Something that didn't self-serve in any way, but was purely for the good of another? Let's be brutally honest, all of those things are, at the heart, selfish. (Things that make ME feel good).
Okay, I know what you're thinking - I DO! And obviously, some people do this much better than others, but as long as we're being brutally honest, as a society, we may think of someone else, but we don't do anything with that thought. It never makes it to the point where it might make a difference to them.
And, now, I know what you're thinking again - but I NEED that time to myself. Or I NEED that time to relax, I work full-time, I stay home with my kids all day, I have to unwind or I'd go crazy! I'm with ya. I'm not discounting the necessity of down time (personally, I think we need about 10 times more of it - what IS our obsession with "busy", by the way?), but I can see in my own life how often, even the little things, are actually just what I want to do. I fulfill my own selfish desires all day long. And then, when I remember that someone I love is sick, or struggling, I feel badly. I pray. I might reach out - but most of the time - I don't. I do nothing. I'm too busy. I have work. My 5-yr-old, dinner, cleaning, and I need to unwind too.
But, I've been burdened for a long time, with the desire to show Jack what it means to have a servant heart. What it truly means to live your life for another. My life is not my own. It belongs to Jesus. And that means my daily routine should reflect that. Not artifically - which is what I've been struggling with - how do I make sure Jack sees that I am a servant (the best way to teach him :)?
So, what if....
Instead of feeling like it's a burden to others to expect someone to reach out and care, we all took care of each other, as a community who knows that's the way we were built to thrive? What if we forgo one of those self-serving activities this week, and just make a conscious effort to reach out to someone we knew was having a hard time? For goodness sake, we all know someone.
What would the world look like?
In order for any of this to happen, of course, we'd all have to know when someone was hurting, when they needed us. I realize in my case, most people truly have no idea that life after cancer can be so difficult physically (we won't even touch emotionally right now :). And I think that's because there isn't enough talk about it (hence, this post.) But, I also know that people don't want to talk about it, because they don't want to admit they're not ok. That makes it too real. Really, that's just pride and fear. And I don't want either to rule my life. We're not built, nor are we capable, of doing everything by ourselves. We cannot be what God intended, nor can we fulfill His purpose, alone.
My intention in writing this isn't to make anyone feel guilty, or to insinuate I have a handle on this. I just believe, personally, I'm not really being forgotten, the thoughts just aren't getting to me... and I can see how often I choose to do something during my (yes, busy) day, when I could actually, take that time to do something for someone else. I believe this is truly what God intended. I believe He is calling all of us to abandon our selfishness daily. To make even small sacrifices, to make even small differences, in other's lives.
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